Multimedia!

I came across this cartoon by Jim Morin at the Miami Herald, which is, I guess, a little funny. I was struck by the cartoon depicting Barack Obama throwing a frozen rope of an oil ball.

Then I remembered Barack Obama throws like a girl. The upshot, of course, is that it allows me to revisit Obama's five-balk limp-wristed moonball that wafted three feet inside on MLB Opening Day:

Recession-proofing Government

Today's Object of Ridicule and Scorn is Barack Obama for that prime time turd. Second place goes to Bob Herbert for this pearl from the New York Times.

UNFAZED BY REALITY By Bob Herbert

Imagine that you’ve got the gas pedal to the floor (or almost to the floor) as you try to get your vehicle to the top of a mountain, where the road will level off. You’ve made real progress, but the vehicle is straining and wheezing. 

I’m having a really hard time relating to this hypothetical; I don’t drive a hybrid.

Excess Kurtosis

Last Christmas, my father gave me Outliers by Malcom Gladwell. As a Gladwell devotee, he must have felt compelled to evangelize. He described Gladwell as a “contrarian” and a “fresh thinker.” With apologies to my father, it’s a complete crock.

Outliers is absolute trash. The book’s introduction details an immigrant community in Pennsylvania that mysteriously displayed a much lower incidence of heart disease than the rest of the country. The mystery had doctors flummoxed. Gladwell intends the allegory as an example for the rest of the book. Instead of finding concrete reasons why the community has a lower incidence of heart disease, researchers gave up their exhaustive methods, and simply came to the conclusion that people were healthier because they talked to each other more. There existed a set of circumstances that scientists couldn’t explain in the 1950s, so they instead turned to mysticism. This example should be a beacon of scientific failure. Like a toddler that takes on a toy that’s a little too adult for him, they saw pieces that didn’t fit together and inferred magic in the overall construction.  Far from decrying this  conclusion, Gladwell sees it as the open-mindedness of those researchers, and announces his intention to emulate it.

EtD Reference: Psych

This is a quote from Psych's Season 2 ("Disco Didn't Die, It Was Murdered"). I wanted to get the video clip, but DVDs have copyright protections. Nevertheless, it seems an opportune time to shamelessly plug my site by affiliating myself with a popular show. Plus, I always appreciate people who think nitpicking grammar is fun.

VICK: It goes without saying, Mr. Spencer, that your father is to in no way participate in this investigation. He’s no longer on the force and his meddling could compromise the case in court. Do I make myself clear?

SHAWN: Yes you did, chief. What isn’t clear is why people always say “it goes without saying” and still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn’t that bother you?

VICK: No. And frankly I could care less

GUS: Now that’s the one that bothers me. Why do people say “I could care less” when they really mean “I couldn’t care less?”

VICK: Well why don’t you tell me how to properly say this: If you share any official information about this case with your father or let him anywhere near any new evidence, then the two of you will have to find a new police department to work for and I will personally see to it that each of you is charged with obstruction of justice.

GUS: You split an infinitive

SHAWN: Good catch, Gus.

VICK: You two realize I carry a gun, right?

GUS: That was perfectly elocuted. 

Whining Isn't Satire (It's not Farcical Either)

…and, he ruined it. Epically. I knew it was going to happen. Nicholas Kristof takes his rightful place as an object of ridicule and scorn.

A MODEST PROPOSAL: A KING AND QUEEN FOR AMERICA by Nicholas D. Kristof 

This seems a lot less like a satire given Woody Allen’s idiocy.

The national campaign to get President Obama to emote, throw crockery 

Crockery? Is there a history of American presidents throwing clay pots at the British? Did Washington cross the Potomac with kettles in hand?

at oil executives and jump up and down in fury 

We get it. Your emphasis on the ridiculous is noted, yet nothing the White House has done since the oil spill has been any more effective than a toddler's tantrum style of crisis management.

has failed. But here’s a long-term solution: Let’s anoint a king and queen. 

Is this still satire?

Memo to Soccer Fans

The World Cup is nearly upon us. Here are some things the international community needs to know about soccer in America.

1. As unjust as you might find the designation, as culturally blasé as you find the word, in America, it's soccer. We don't call it football, and we certainly don't call it futbol. We also don't say snog, lift, lorry, bloody, bleeding, or bloke. We fought the Revolution for a reason.

2. Nations are not plural nouns. By saying "England are aggressive" or "Italy play the midfield back," you are as obnoxious and grating as the most grammatically torturous gangster rap. You're wrong. We're right.

3. Most of the "soccer fans" in America are misguided dolts who took a study-abroad vacation  in college and now lean on their "club" affiliations as an icon of their newly minted status as a global citizen. They've taken bandwagoneering to a whole new level.

4. American kids play soccer because a) it's easier to understand than football or baseball, and b) it's cheaper than football, baseball, or hockey. This doesn't portend a massive cultural takeover for soccer. Lacrosse probably has a better chance.

Well now...I'm excited for the festivities in South Africa!

The Great Comcast-Induced Hiatus of 2010

Posting has been sparse, but not because professional writers discovered competence.

Anti-Israeli nonsense rampages through op-ed pages across the country, despite overwhelming evidence that Israel did absolutely nothing wrong. Pols are mourning the shattered relationship between Al and Tipper Gore. Idiots who couldn't tell a baseball mitt from a ski glove are bemoaning a blown call that robbed no-talent hurler Andres Galarraga of a perfect game. (Michigan politicians in particular are clamoring to beat each other to be the most outraged.) The shenanigans committed by the Obama administration with regard to the Sestak/Romanoff allegations continue to push Robert Gibbs to an inelegant backpedal.

There will be ridicule.

The Feminist Agenda

A-ha! [Norwegian pop plays in the background.] This is what has Jessica Valenti's panties in a bunch.

If you recall, I went through Valenti's Washington Post Opinion article on Sunday. Valenti was mortified that Palin was using the language of feminism to push an anti-feminist agenda. As proof of the anti-feminism of the Palin agenda, Valenti pointed to positions on abortion (not a legislative issue), the opposition of undefined steps to address the salary gap, and gay rights (not a women's issue). It was not an ironclad argument.

Valenti may not be a statistical titan, but she certainly can't miss numbers like this. Obama wooed votes from married women by 3 points and single women by a whopping 39 points. The rise of Palin and the entire stable of solid GOP female candidates bring out Valenti's real fear: that women will defect from the Democrats in a way that undermines the DNC's coalition of disparate minority interests. The two highest-profile Republicans are still in primary races. Meg Whitman, former e-Bay CEO and Carly Fiorina, former HP CEO currently lead Republican races for California Governor and California Senator, respectively.

With so many high-profile Republican women rising through the ranks and a groundswell of conservative power rising up, Barack Obama may face a female challenger in 2012. How can any modern right-bashing feminist remain relevant when the first female occupant of the Oval Office hails from the GOP?

Here you have it, the real feminist agenda: destroy Republican women.